Outsourcing and the President ~ Breaking News


Congress today announced that the Office of the President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of June 30, 2012.

The move is being made to save the President's $400,000+ yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 4 years.

Mohammed Al Zawahiri, currently President of Al Qaeda Airlines, of Cairo Egypt will be assuming the Office of President as of November 1, 2012. Mr. Al Zawahiri claims he was born in the United States while his Egyptian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position however he has yet to produce a birth certificate supporting his American Citizenship.

He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Al Zawahiri will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff due to the time difference between the U.S. and Egypt. He will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the U.S. Government will be open.

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Al Zawahiri may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of the President, this should not be a problem because neither were the past 8, and goes on to further state that the last time America had a truly qualified person assume the role of President was over 43 years ago.

Using canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "The past 8 Presidents have used them successfully for years."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for approximately 99 weeks. Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Obama has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience but suggested a "greeter" position at Wal-Mart due to Obama's extensive hand shaking experience. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart does not have a "decider" position, job description available at this time.

Lastly, in order to help Mr. Obama and family cope with the transition of his eminent job displacement and HUGE loss in financial and social status, The Obama family will be generously afforded the services of Washington DC's finest mental health clinic where he and his family may receive counseling for a period of no longer than 1 year as well as the number to HUD (Housing and Urban Development) where he may receive debt consolidation advice.

Up to date, the only responses we have been able to gather from either Mr. Obama or his spokespeople on this impending change is that He and the family are trying to remain optimistic about this whole thing despite the fact that they were already rejected for the Making Homes Affordable program by both their home loan lenders Bank of America and JP Morgan Chase due to the fact that they will NOT have a provable steady source of income.

Both banks declined to comment on the details of Mr. Obama's situation but did state however that foreclosure proceedings WILL commence beginning in June 2012 and hopefully result in an auction date in early to mid November 2012. Stay tuned.....

Cub Reporter
Angel Heart

Disclaimer & Notice from Blog author Angelheart:

Please be advised this blog is entirely fictitious and was posted solely for entertainment purposes. It is my first attempt publicly at a parody of some of the many serious issues that are plaguing us here in our very own our country (the United States of America) today and it contains absolutely no malicious intent to defame anyone, any place OR any event. Thank you.

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